Who put a spider in my salad??

I was just washing some veggies from my CSA, (fyi: the longer you wait to wash produce, the longer it lasts!) and I found a new little 'friend.' By friend, I mean a spider that made me jump out of my skin. I can usually handle spiders (and rodents or bugs - except cockroaches) with grace, but this was a bit ridiculous. There's something about black/yellow insects/snakes that rubs me the wrong way.. It's probably the result of all of those years of human evolution and watching others get killed by black and yellow things. Anyway, after it was secured in a fancy homemade, secure trap (read: large, flat fridge magnet under a heavy glass cup), it took me a long time to figure out whether it was poisonous or not (ie, do I kill it or take it outside.) Here's what I found online about my little friend:
http://www.cirrusimage.com/spider_cobweb_Theridion.htm

Rest assured it is not poisonous, the cat enjoyed cackling at it through tupperware, and it is now outside on a bush. If I die within the next 48 hours, then it was poisonous, and I cannot be trusted to identify spiders...

Moral of the story, don't eat your vegetables....

Last minute sides

I ran out of fresh veggies, and I have no time to go to the store to get some freshens... (read: I'm too lazy to walk to the store, and I don't want to drive because then I'll have to get gas, which I hate more than anything.) What to do, what to do...

More importantly (since I'm the center of the universe on my blog) what did I do? I used stuff that I forgot about.... I mean.... I used food that I bought for this specific purpose that's sitting in the back of my pantry/freezer. I figure this happens to people that aren't just too lazy to go to the store, so I thought I'd share my strategy on the off chance that you find this helpful.

In my freezer I found some frozen artichoke hearts that were on sale at Whole Paycheck a bit ago and some frozen green peas. Feel free to use canned (in water!!) artichoke hearts and possibly? canned peas (I've never eaten them, so I can't vouch for their awesomeness.) In reference to these particular recipes, I also keep capers in a jar and frozen pearl onions (actually those are leftover from my beef bourguignon - actually pronounced boouuuuffff buoulll-ging-yohhhhnnnn by the French. Whoever rendered it into English is a flaming re-tard.) Anyway, onto the recipes!

Le Lemon (fake) Butter Artichoke Hearts with a "Mountain" of La Capers
1 frozen package (or can-drained) of artichoke hearts (not packed in oil! which is gross unless you're making a salad or if you want high cholesterol)
2 T of lemon juice (I also keep this in my fridge)
1/4 cup capers (kept in a jar in the fridge)
<1 tsp of fake butter (or real butter if you prefer)
salt and pepper to taste
*Note* Use a small pan or there won't be enough liquid

If the artichokes are frozen, thaw them in a pan on the stove (add a small amount of water with the frozen artichokes.. boil the water and stir the artichokes (use a wooden spoon if you have it - it's more tender on the 'chokes) until the water is almost gone.
If you have canned artichoke hearts, drain the water and add them to a pan. Get them going on medium heat, add in the lemon juice. Once it starts to simmer add in the fake butter, capers and the salt and pepper to taste. Let this cook until about a minute or two after the fake butter melts away. Make sure all of the ingredients are combined well and turn off the heat (remove from the stove if you have an electric stove.)


Also to go with my leftover beef thing (I'll share that recipe once I alter it to have less meat and more veggies.. let's say it's in the testing stage) I'm making some peas.

Le Frozen Peas a-la-Awesome*
2-3 cups of frozen peas
1 tsp fake le butter (or real le butter)
a few frozen pearl onions (awesome but optional)
salt and pepper to taste

Add peas to a pan with enough water to cover them; bring them to a boil. Once they've boiled for a few minutes (5ish) drain them. Re add the peas to the pan and add in the fake butter, frozen pearl onions and the salt and pepper. Turn the heat on medium and stir it around with a wooden spoon until the butter melts. Once the fake butter covers the peas, turn it off and remove it from heat.
 *Peas aren't really "awesome," per se but they're pretty ok I guess...

Hopefully this helps... If not, you just wasted a lot of time reading about something you'll never eat. 

The annoying people that sit next to me

"This neighborhood has really lost its character," said B, to which I replied "yeah, it is a shame;" While I'm thinking that I actually moved to this neighborhood to be surrounded by snobby foodies that love Whole Foods, farmers markets, Pottery Barn, Crate and Barrel, Lululemon, and Barnes and Noble. Did I mention Williams Sonoma? Ahhh I love my neighborhood... Being surrounded by these people, like myself, is usually ok when I have my headphones on or when I'm running past them in groups walking four wide (how rude is that? unless I'm doing it.)

Unfortunately this time I was at the pool trying to read, when a tall white dude and a short white chick sat next to me. When they began applying their sunscreen to their uber pale bodies, the dude commented on how he received this email about how an ingredient in sunscreen is actually worse for your skin than not wearing sunscreen. (I wonder if that Nigerian prince will ever get back to him...) My super health instinct kicks in, and I grab my sunscreen only to see that Banana Boat is actually trying to poison me, which I don't entirely mind because it was on sale. Anyway, the ingredient on trial is Retinyl Palmitate, which is also an ingredient in anti-aging and anti-acne creams. Since I put this on my skin anyway, I figured that some rat slathered in the cream (at what percentage and over how long??) having a statistically significant raise in tumor growth wasn't scary enough for me to pay $20 for sunscreen. These two (who I assume are together despite the vast difference in dating class) berate their friends for using bad ingredients on their skin... I wanted to put my zinc oxide based sunscreen in his (and her) eyes.

I quickly got over this conversation until they continued talking (loudly for sitting one foot away from one another.) The conversation moved onto omega fatty acids and how the uber white girl cooks artichokes and then drinks the water the artichokes were cooked in.. obviously, she says.. I assume she also eats the artichokes?? But then again, who knows. It's times like this where I wish I was more confrontational (stop laughing!) The girl obviously never works out (ditto for the dude), so I can only assume that the warnings for heart disease didn't have the same effect as lab rats covered in toxic tumor cream. I think if someone wrote a study saying that eating whale fat decreases our risk of cancer, this chick/dude would drop their angst over the cruelty and extinction risks that accompany Japanese (and Icelandic?) whaling.

Anyway, moral of the story, the earphones are staying in at the pool from now on.....